Mapping and Trolling

Public Cock Waving

2009-11-08T19:15:00.000-08:00

CSonicGo's Review of DV-Zero

2009-10-22T22:20:00.001-07:00

Deus Vult prototype, aka "The Lost Levels" aka "Shadowrunner Edition"

The Doom community has rare occurrences where a newbie's first project ends up being ranked with veteran-created WADs. Deus Vult was one of those WADs, and due to its massive size, it broke many source ports in the process. However this year I have been shown a prototype of Deus Vult that happened to be saved during its development that gives an interesting look as to what ideas were tried, and what could have been. When asked to look at it and then to review it, I said,"I'd love to review it, I love massive wads that bludgeon me with a medieval torture device!" (Note to self: Shut your goddamn mouth.)

Being that this is a prototype, it's akin to seeing that doom alpha map of E1M6 in which it transformed from a circular shape to an easier branched layout. The DV prototype seems to focus on the familiar blue "core" rooms and the other large rooms that made it in the final game such as the cathedral, but the paths are very, very different. in fact, other than a few select rooms, the Prototype could very well stand in its own right as another DV installment, an HR lover's paradise.

That being said, there's some obvious differences, and honestly, from playing the final version and then this, It's a good thing this wasn't the final version. Why? OH I'LL TELL YOU WHY. IT'S FRIGGING IMPOSSIBLE.

I am NOT joking. This map will make you throw doom down for good if you let it. You'll never want to see another imp for the rest of your days. In fact, I can safely say that Doom Marine knew that imps were annoying, and exploited the hell of of them and any other projectile-flinging monster by throwing them in cages and traps. Lots of traps. Teleporter traps. oh-shit-they-just-keep-coming traps. Oh-god-save-me traps. WHAT-THE-FUCK-RESURRECTED-EVERY-DAMN-MONSTER-IN-THIS-ROOM-I-CLEARED traps. Fuck-this-stupid-map traps. You know, those? Yeah.

I refrain from doing a review of each and every change because the review would turn into a walkthrough. What I can say is that this is Deus Vult in its development stages, and, scarily enough, this almost became the final version. Praise Jesus it wasn't.

The major changes seem to be the absence of the circular slime room at the beginning and in its place a weird clusterfuck of tunnels, cheap traps, huge raperooms, triggered secrets and item hunts. Every "new" room in this version screams "Un-Playtested", "ridiculous" and "rape.". Mostly rape.

The recipe this WAD follows can be summed up in my experience with the first lava room. Follow along with me if you will. First, you prepare by flipping switches in hallways to trigger traps that I can only describe as breaking an artery, but instead of blood, Hell Knights pour out. Next, mix in Lost souls that are used in the smallest areas conceivable, in the most subtle of areas, where you least expect it, in trap doors activated by triggers throughout the map. Beat the mixture with platforms that take 30 seconds or more to lower. Pour mixture into a room with structures which lower to expose 15+ high level monsters. Throw on a good helping of barons in every corner possible, Garnish with teleporters placed in the most annoying of places, and top it with a dollop of switches placed in the least obvious space in the room imaginable. Bake in the oven for your own rape cake!

And if you want seconds... there's the obvious booby traps. For example, in one of the prototype rooms, there's a center area where a Megasphere sits alone on a pedestal. As if it were a shining light. But just by looking at the way that room is designed, you damn well know it's a set up. You'll sit there for a second, save your game, and wonder how the hell you can bypass it. but you must grab the powerup. You have to or you can't progress. It's a pressuring decision in that there's only one choice, but instead of a positive outcome, you just get a cocktease and a swift kick in the balls. Consider such places Russian roulette with all chambers loaded.

This level surpasses rape, necrophilia, dismemberment, masochism, or any sort of truly disgusting fetish anyone could possibly think of. It possibly ascends into whole new levels of wrong. In fact, this requires a new word for wrong. I propose it to be called, "Deus Vult".

This WAD is Deus Vult.

There's no way to play this. In fact, there's no way to make a UVMAX for this. Not even a UV NORMAL, if that exists. If Adam Hegyi had nightmares, this would probably be one of them. In fact, I'm so convinced that this clusterfuck of a WAD is impossible, I am holding a bet: You tyson this and beat it, I will fly to your house and suck your dick, and dub you the King of England. Because else you are either Belial in godmode, or you're a goddamned liar.

Co-op is possible I assume, but you would run out of ammo immediately. Actually, you juuust might have enough ammo, but since items are scattered all over the place in every corner, nook and cranny that exists, trying to find them is like a hellish easter egg hunt. And instead of candy, it's the Holocaust. Because 50% of the items that are "hidden" are boobytrapped. It's just one Zyklon B Canister after another. On a side note, I didn't know hell knew how to make IEDs. Perhaps The Doomguy should carry Silly String.

I cannot stress enough that you take a sick leave or have a paramedic with Defibrillator and Smelling salts at the ready when playing this. This really is the worst version of DV to exist.

But in all seriousness you're probably looking for a real review of this. It's basically the same thing as the original DV, but the map itself looks a little different. As you can see from the automap image here- hey wait a minute...

IT'S A MODIFIED 1SQUARES.WAD. Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Someone give me Morphine.

And for God's sake, don't play this.

DV-Zero Textfile

2009-10-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

===========================================================================
Archive Maintainer      : Library of Congress
Advanced engine needed  : Limit-Removing
Primary purpose         : Single + coop play
===========================================================================
Title                   : Deus Vult Zero: The Shadowrunner Edition
Filename                : DV-Zero.zip
Release date            : January 2004
Author                  : Huykuto No Pham
Email Address           : worldclassarchitect@gmail.com
Other Files By Author   : DV.wad, DVII series

Description             : Act 1.

                         So your name is MooMoo the JooJoo, and you're a
                         marine on Mars, while making a sausage you're
                         cock got stuck in a meatgrinder, and you don't
                         know how to take it out without bleeding to
                         death.
                        
                         Calling 9-11 is not an option because you'll
                         die of embarrassment, plus that cute nurse
                         you're dating won't look at you the same way
                         ever again.
                        
                         Anyways, so after a few hours of panicking
                         and running around like a headless (cockless)
                         chicken you passed out on the floor, which
                         means you're going to die and be embarassed as well.
                        
                         Act 2.

                         In a strange twist of fate, you woke up in a church
                         and the meatgrinder magically dissapeard.

                         After stumbling around like a victim who is stumbling around
                         after getting his cock stuck in a meat grinder, you discovered
                         a wizened wizard masturbating behind a pipe organ (or into
                         it to be accurate) in a druid's cloak.
                        
                         You nervously tapped him on the shoulder wondering where you
                         are, to which the old pervert became furious at you for
                         "interrupting" his daily routine, so he turned around,
                         instead of wielding his wand, pulled out his floppy wizard cock,
                         screamed "dU = Q - W!" and POOF you're in the old DV WAD.
                         GL HF

                         FOR FULL STORY DETAILS VISIT:
                         http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/DaftPunkRailroad/472900

                         FOR SEQUAL TO STORY VISIT:
                         http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2652/3883164588_4cde81a1f4_o.jpg

                         FOR ALL THINGS RELATED TO MOOMOO THE JOOJOO VISIT:
                         http://mappingandtrolling.blogspot.com/

Additional Credits to   : Shadowrunner, the alpha tester at the time. You can blame him
                         for all the shortcomings of this wad.
===========================================================================
* What is included *

New levels              : No, this level's already been released
                         in Deus Vult, what you get is the same thing,
                         but crappier
Sounds                  : Yes
Music                   : Yes
Graphics                : Yes
Dehacked/BEX Patch      : Yes
Demos                   : No
Other                   : No
Other files required    : Doom2


* Play Information *

Game                    : Doom 2
Map #                   : 01
Single Player           : Designed for
Cooperative 2-4 Player  : Designed for
Deathmatch 2-4 Player   : Turn friendly fire to have a good time!
Other game styles       : Rape the Retard
Difficvolty             : Rape, Rape, RAPE


* Construction *

Base                    : New from scratch, I SWEAR IT
Build Time              : Half the time of the final DV
Editor(s) used          : Codeimp
Known Bugs              : Every time you enter a room, your health
                         decreases to zero.
May Not Run With...     : Palin in 2012


* Copyright / Permissions *

Authors MAY use the contents of this file as a base for modification or
reuse.  Permissions have been obtained from original authors for any of
their resources modified or included in this file.

You MAY distribute this file, provided you include this text file, with no
modifications.  You may distribute this file in any electronic format (BBS,
Diskette, CD, etc) as long as you include this file intact.  You may play
limp bizkit with yourself. You may rub feces all over your face as you see
fit.  I have received permission from the original authors of any modified or
included content in this file to allow further distribution.

* Where to get the file that this text file describes *

The Usual: ftp://archives.3dgamers.com/pub/idgames/ and mirrors

You're Cock is Stuck in a Meat Grinder

2009-09-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Sucking Cock While Mapping

2009-09-03T22:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.doomworld.com/vb/post-hell/45068-sucking-cock-while-mapping/

... well, do you?

Cocks

2009-09-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

Cocks harder than a rock
As I caulk some whore from Bangkok

Cocks bigger than livestock
As I defrock it by the dock

Cocks deeper than bedrock
As I undock it between your buttocks

Cocks stiffer than a cornstalk
As I clock it in my cellblock

Cocks flaccid as a sock
As I unlock it to water my beanstalk

fin

Feces

2009-09-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

Feces in your Chilies, tasting like Shit
Feces eaten with Reeses, causing you Zits
Feces in Pastries, by a disgruntled Britt
Feces cooked in Cheese, becoming disgusting Grits
Feces made by Doggies, pick it up with a Mitt

Feces known as Duke, from the Shit I just Took
Feces I just Nuked, Permit a smell I cannot Shook
Feces shat by Luke, from the Slit of him I just Spook
Feces in Rebuke, for the Unfit Rook

Feces on Boobies, Scat all over your Twat
Feces in Alleys, by a Rat named Matt
Feces on Furries, Splat on a Housecat

Feces left under a tree, by some breezy hippie
Feces in the chimney, Santa Claus made an oopsie

Feces all over the walls, spread about by my balls

fin

Doomworld's Other Forum

2009-07-26T16:39:00.001-07:00

PM Grazza for details.

Check Out These Fucking Screenshots

2009-07-26T15:52:00.001-07:00

Holy fucking shit, a new godamn level for DVII-SE. Look at this motherfucking thing:

That's a mother fucking red ass fucking space planet right there, a whole fucking planet, what more the fuck do you want? That shit is pretty dope motherfucking godamn shit.

Jesus fucking christ, floating rocks and shit everywhere. Fucking evil ass statues breathing fire godamn holy fuck. They only come in one godamn color: fucking red.

What's with the church? A fucking crucifixion on a fucking church too. Fucking dude got his ass nailed to a fuckin wall, holy fucking shit the guy's shit is all fucked up.

Deus Vult II: it's got ten whole fucking levels in hell, holy fuckin' Christ on a crunch stick, what the fuck more could you ask for?

Test

2009-07-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

Testing Embedding of Videos

mah Trolling Aliases on IRC

2009-07-26T13:35:00.000-07:00

Created by me:

BigBurlyHomoRamrod
BigFloppyDonkeyDick
BigLingBadaBing
ClonedDickPickle
CuntFish
DickMarine
DicksDicksDICKS
DickDongleDongleDicks
DogRaper
DookieOnRookies
DuCK_NuCKeLN
FishieFishie
FullBlownAIDS
FuckingFurryFaggot
FudgePackingFaggot
FurryButtsecks69
GapingGoatse
GapingGoatGaper
GayAssFlamingHomoFaggot
GoatBoat
GrabbyMcReacharound
GooglyGoogle
HarHarItsJarJar
HuykutoNoPham
HuysamaBinLaden
JarJarTheJarJar
JizzleMcDrizzle
JuggernautBitch
KneeDeepInDicks
MongleDongle
MongoTheMongolianMongoloidMonger
MooMooTheJooJoo
NewbieMcPwnage
NigglyWiggly
ObamaSwineFlu
ObamerSnakeCharmer
Peeeenisaur
PleaseNotTheRamrod
PunaniPunisher
PunjarTheCuntar
RapeTheRetard
RagingDickhead
ReesesFeces
RetardedRapist
RookieRaper
SexyRapist
SexytimeOffender
SillyRabbit
SuckMeInTheWeiner
SplattyMcTwatty
SuckleMyCockle
SuckleMyDongle
TarTarTheRetard
TouchMyWiener
Tormentorturer667
TwattysaurusRex

BILLY MAYS HERE FOR HELL

2009-07-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

BILLY MAYS HERE FOR HELL

EVER WANTED TO VISIT THE UNDERWORLD? FEELIN' THE SUDDEN URGE FOR NECROPHILIA? A GLUTTON FOR PUNISHMENT? HOW ABOUT SPILLING THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT? HELL, THE ALL-IN-ONE PUNISHER

"BUT I COULD BARELY FIT A FURNACE IN MY TOWNHOUSE LET ALONE THE INFERNO OF THE WICKED" YOU WOULD SAY---BUT WAIT, WE'VE TAKEN CARE OF THAT: THE STARTER KIT INCLUDES A 2-YEAR OLD BILLY GOAT, AN OBSIDIAN SACRIFICIAL BLADE, RED CANDLES, PENTAGRAM STENCILS, A COPY OF DVII-SE AND THE BOOK OF THE DEAD. ALL YOU NEED IS THE COZINESS OF YOUR BASEMENT AND THIRTEEN SQUARE-FEET... THAT'S IT! LET THE SUMMONING BEGIN!

STYX, ACHERON, PURGATORIO, INFERNO, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL.

CHAINED TO A MOUNTAIN WITH HARPIES PECKING AT YOUR REGROWING LIVER, ROLLING BOULDERS UP ENDLESS RAMPS, BATHING IN BOILING BLOOD, IT'LL BE HARD TO LEAVE ONCE YOU START!

IF THAT WASN'T ENTICING ENOUGH, THERE'S MORE! STAY LONG ENOUGH AND YOU CAN PUNISH NEW SINNERS AS WELL! THRUSTING PHALLIC SPEARS INTO THE WOUNDS OF THE CRUCIFIED, FEEDING THE GLUTTONS FECES AS THEY SQUEAL LIKE PIGS, TRANSFORMING THE SUICIDES INTO THORNY BUSHES, THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!

FOR THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF $49.95*, YOU'LL RECEIVE PURGATORY AND TEN FULL CIRCLES OF HELL, HANDMADE BY THE DEVIL HIMSELF

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

IF YOU ORDER WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS, WE'LL SHIP YOU OUR COMPLIMENTARY GIFT PACKAGE OF SIX AMERICAN CEOS, ENTOMBED IN THEIR OWN TORTURE CHAMBERS, ABSOLUTELY FREE OF CHARGE**

HELL, THE ULTIMATE PUNISHER, THRICE THE WARMTH OF HEAVEN, AND A SELF-CLEANING SOUL CHAMBER, THIS IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY YOU'LL SURELY DIE FOR! DON'T PASS UP THIS OPPORTUNITY TO OWN YOUR LITTLE FALLEN ABODE OF GOD!

*S&H not included
**must include official soul contract, valided by the 666 stamp you'll receive upon rebate